


The Vastness of Feeling

by TryingMyBest94



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Bad Parenting, Human Castiel, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TryingMyBest94/pseuds/TryingMyBest94
Summary: Castiel doesn't understand love or human affection because he never really had it as a child, Dean Winchester fully understands it, what he doesn't understand is why the cute boy in his class is totally ignoring all his advances.





	

Castiel Novak was never given the opportunity to meet his father. His father was of a very weak constitution and did not wish to be with a woman who was carrying a child. He was not ‘ready to be a father’ or in other words, being a father sounded like too much hard work for him. He was the type of man who simply left a situation when time’s got tough. Nevertheless, Castiel James Novak was brought into the world on July 10th 1979, without his father’s affection or care.

Elizabeth Novak, Castiel’s mother, endeavoured to give her son a good life – she made sure he went to the best nursery, the best school, he had better clothes and toys than the other children but she fell short in terms of the maternal nurturing of her child. She cared for Castiel yet she found it very difficult to actually unconditionally love her child. 

Castiel’s relationship with his mother was complicated. He loved his mother than anything, and constantly aimed to achieve her approval, yet he knew, even from a very young age, that there was something missing from their relationship. For instance, once when Elizabeth was late to pick up Castiel from school, Castiel had no other choice but to wait and witness other children receive the love and care that he never did. The mothers would hug their children upon greeting them; Elizabeth would avoid giving Castiel hugs. Elizabeth did not embrace her child. Castiel would worry, even when he was little, if he had done something to make him undeserving of his mother’s hugs. 

He also never fully understood why other children had two parents and he only had one. He only asked his mother about his father once and this had upset his mother so much that Castiel was too afraid to ask about his father after that. He did not wish to upset his mother in any way. It did not mean he was not curious though. He wondered if his father would love him if he met him. Castiel wondered if his father would treat him differently than his mother did.

Castiel, through absolutely no fault of his own, was left without the presence of his father and without the love of his mother. 

Castiel, although a bright and beautiful creature, would always remind Elizabeth of the pain and suffering she had to go through when her first love left her. Castiel had his father’s eyes. She could not help but blame Castiel for losing what she thought was her soulmate. 

Dean Winchester, a child born January 24th 1979 was also blamed for one of his parent’s departure. Dean’s biological father John Winchester always blamed his oldest son for his wife’s death. This is because when Dean was only four years old, he was out playing with his toys in the garden when he ran in front of a road to fetch the ball he was playing with. Mary then darted from where she was doing some gardening and darted out to save her son. Mary Winchester died a week later. John had never been the same after the passing of his wife. He was no longer the loving father that he once was to his two sons. He couldn’t even look Dean in the eyes as it pained him too much. He was so much like his mother.

The difference between John and Elizabeth however is that John did love his children unconditionally but he knew he could no longer be a dutiful father to him as he could barely look after himself. Therefore, he did what he believed to be right and left his two sons in the care of his old friend Bobby Singer and Bobby cared for Dean and Sam as though they were his own two sons. 

Dean was loved and cared for by Bobby in a way that Castiel never was by his own mother. 

Dean knew he was bisexual at the age of thirteen when he fell in love with Dr Sexy, a character from his favourite television Dr Sexy M.D. His adopted father Bobby and his younger brother Sam did not find out about his bisexuality until three years later and they were entirely accepting of his sexuality. He was loved by them for who he was and he was allowed to love whoever he wanted to in their eyes. Love is love and that should never be a bad thing. 

Not everyone was so accepting and when he came out in freshman year of high school, ignorant Neanderthals from the year above beat him, almost to death. Therefore he transferred schools midway through freshman year and this is where he met the quiet and reserved Castiel Novak. When Castiel met Dean he aimed to stay out of his way as much as possible – like he did with all his other fellow classmates. However, when Dean actually paid him attention Castiel did not know how to deal with it, or did not even know why it was happening.

Castiel grew up in a household where he received very little affection or attention therefore he was not used to the attentiveness he received from Dean. Castiel, because he did not know what love was, did not miss it or yearn for it in anyway and his life remained uncomplicated and loveless until he met Dean. He had made no friends in kindergarten or middle school, his mother never pushed him to have friends, she pushed him to work hard and do well in his schoolwork so that is what he did. None of his classmates questioned it; they merely thought he was quiet. That is how; Castiel Novak went into high school, never having had a friend and why he was so confused by the attention she received from the cute freckled, blonde haired transfer student. On their first day of meeting, Castiel could tell that Dean was going to be a trouble for him. 

‘Everyone welcome our new transfer student. Would you please introduce yourself?’ Miss Elliot’s winey voice was enough to get anyone’s attention but the boy standing at the front of the class was currently occupying Castiel’s attention.

Castiel had never seen someone so aesthetically pleasing in his life. He had a strong and angular jawline with a hint of stubble dusting his chin. His round eyes were bright green and were framed by gorgeous long lashes. He has a straight, symmetrical and small nose and the very plump lips. He has gorgeous freckles dotted on his structured face. His hair was a mousy brown colour and looked soft to touch. His body was well built and he looked far too faultless to be a high school student. Castiel was a little taken aback. 

‘My name’s Dean Winchester.’ His voice was soft and warm and Castiel found himself thinking that he wouldn’t mind listening to more of it.

‘Welcome Dean, you can sit yourself down next to Castiel.’ Castiel found Miss Elliot pointing at him and no, this was not good. Nobody ever sat next to him. It was easier that way. He did not wish to make small talk with a classmate, he just wanted to study and work hard. That is what school is for after all. However, he could do nothing but watch the attractive man take the seat next to him. 

‘Alright class, I would like you to continue working on the integral equations we were working on yesterday.’ With this the class started opening their textbooks and started discussing questions in hand. When the class was settled into a gentle hum of conversation Miss Elliot asked Castiel: ‘Can you show Dean what equations we were working on?’ Miss Elliot smiled crookedly down at her favourite student and Castiel felt trapped. All he could do was nod his head in reply. With this Miss Elliot went back to her desk, seemingly completely forgetting that she was Dean’s teacher, not Castiel.

‘Castiel? That’s your name? That’s pretty unique.’ Dean spoke in such a friendly and gentle tone of voice that Castiel was sad that he wasn’t going to be able to return the gesture. He was nothing but frostiness to all of his classmates.

‘Yes, I suppose it is. These are the questions we are focusing on. Do you know how to do integral equations?’ Castiel didn’t mean to sound condescending but that is ultimately how it sounded.

‘Yeah, I understand. I’m just one of those lucky individuals who is both good looking and smart.’ Dean didn’t sound cocky, he sounded teasing so Castiel chanced a look up at the boy and saw him smirking at him. Castiel could feel himself blush.

‘I don’t know what to say to that.’ Castiel admits timidly.

‘You could agree with me? Tell me that I am gorgeous looking and that you don’t doubt that I’m smart? That would be okay with me.’ Castiel didn’t know whether the boy sitting next to him was flirting with him or simply fishing for compliments. He guessed the latter and hoped that by satisfying the others wishes he would put an end to this complicated conversation that Castiel was not adept to deal with.

‘Your physical features would be considered attractive to many I’m sure.’ Castiel apparently wasn’t very good at compliments. Dean seemed to find it amusing as he started laughing heartily as soon as the words escaped Castiel’s lips. 

‘The most important question though is do you personally find my physical features attractive?’ Dean’s playful tone was confusing Castiel and when Dean had the audacity to actually wink at him; he was far too perplexed to think straight. 

‘Yes.’ Castiel said without thinking which made Dean’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. ‘I mean, in an objective sense I suppose.’ 

‘Ah yes, an objective sense, of course.’ To this Dean smiled as though he knew something about Castiel that Castiel did not even know himself. Then he leaned in closer and whispered in Castiel’s ear: ‘Well, just so you know, I think you are beautiful in a purely subjective, I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked, kind of way.’ And then he leant back in his chair as if he had said nothing strange at all.

‘What?’ Castiel squeaked which made Dean’s smile widen even more, which Castiel didn’t think was possible. 

‘You heard me. It was a little forward sure, but I’ve always believed honesty to be the best policy.’ 

‘I suppose that is true. Perhaps we should focus more on the questions though. School is for learning after all.’ Castiel was fairly sure that he was beet red at this point and he was so underprepared for this conversation. 

‘Yeah you’re right. This conversation can continue later.’ Dean said coyly and leaned in to get a better look at the textbook they had to share. Dean leaned in so closely that their legs were touching, Castiel was not sure as to whether that was an accident or not.

The rest of the class was spent in relative silence but Castiel could sometimes feel Dean’s eyes perpetrating his skin and he could not concentrate on the questions in front of him. When the bell finally rang Castiel jumped out of his seat and almost ran out of the room before Dean stopped him.

‘Hey, could you help me find my next class?’ Dean looked hopeful and more than a little lost and although Castiel was scared by how much tension seemed to surge between the two of them, he wasn’t going to let the poor boy get lost. He looked at his timetable and was filled with both excitement and nerves.

‘Sure. I’m in the same class as you next. Follow me.’


End file.
